I once found myself eager to date and love to me was very important. I wanted the dream life, but I didn’t understand what it truly meant to wait. Time after time, I either got my feelings hurt, or my heart crushed. Twice, I allowed picking the wrong man to make me a single parent and the struggle of it all is real. For the pass year or so, I’ve been healing and the growth that has followed is remarkable. True, I’ve been single a while and it is those around me that want to see me dating again. I have entertained the thought several times, but I choose to listen to the little voice within me that encourages me to take my time and move with the healing of my heart.
When I met Amilyah’s dad, I moved quick and because of it I became pregnant before my time. The worst thing about not really knowing a person, is getting pregnant and deciding “this is it.” Even though my goal wasn’t to get pregnant by him I did, and I was keeping my child. It was very rocky with him and the man I always envisioned myself with, he certainly wasn’t it. I was embarrassed that I even got myself in that situation, but I needed to make the best of it. I opened myself up to the journey of loving him and over time, it led me straight into a brick wall. We were over the moment we started and his rejection of me cut deep. The more he showed I was not the one he wanted to be with, the more I tried to change his mind and that was a silly move to make. Looking back on that situation, I must admit, there was a lack of selflove I had and as women we must learn not to settle especially when God is showing us signs to leave. It took some time, but I finally was free, and I healed and outgrew the very situation that was used to keep me in bondage.
Through God, I was able to see once sex was taken off the table, what man really wanted to stick around and trust me, a lot of doors were cl
I spent years reevaluating myself, healing and seeking God. Through that process, I started my journey of practicing abstinence, and it was beautiful! I began to cherish who I am and my body. Through God, I was able to see once sex was taken off the table, what man really wanted to stick around and trust me, a lot of doors were closed. Granted I was not perfect with the journey, I broke here and there but it was between either years or months of practicing no sex. I really began to see myself in a different light and that light was bright enough for others to see. I try my best to not live with regrets, and I made a few mistakes here and there and it was plenty that I learned. I’ve came a long way and when you trust God to set the right man before you, He never fails at delivering. One thing I had to learn is when I meet a guy, to set him before the Lord and wait for an answer. There have been a few of men that I met and even wanted to settle with, but the confirmation was never there.
I am a believer, and the Bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”
I want to date despite my wavering, but I want to date the right man because I’m tired of getting it wrong. Having Love Bug really opened my eyes; I am now living for two, things don’t get easier, they get harder from this point. I am persevering through so much, it’s only right I stand still and let the right man find me. I have friends that constantly tell me to put myself out there, but isn’t that looking for a man? I am a believer, and the Bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” So, I embrace being single. I am learning myself, understanding who I am to the core and allowing God to mold me into the woman I need to be, especially for that special someone. Does it get lonely? Of course, but I’d rather be lonely than in a bad relationship or wasting my time dating the wrong person-be there, done that. If you think about it, I do put myself out there, I just don’t do it in the manner that others feel I should. I’m minding my own business and I trust when I least expect it, the man I’ve been praying for will find me and his I will be.
Comments