It's Okay

Have you ever felt like the world was against you and you had NO choice but to cave in? Well, that’s where I’m at but I’m no quitter. I keep going by any means and that’s what those who are against me do not like. I’ve endured, I’ve struggled, I’ve gotten tired, I’ve doubted myself, but I haven’t quit and that’s what matters. No matter what I go through, no matter what I face, I keep my chin up and I ask myself what’s next?

Hello moms, I’ve been quiet and it’s for many reasons, some good and some bad but none the less, I’ve been figuring things out and hanging in there. As you know, I had my daughter back in December and even though she has been a bundle of joy, the weight of having her has been a lot to carry. Being a girl mom is nothing but a blessing but it’s teaching me in ways that I could never imagine. I give my all into being a mother and I do my best to make sure they don’t feel the struggle or lack but sometimes it happens. After I had my daughter, I was to return to work in February from maternity leave and was laid off. The shock was enough to send me spiraling but I refused to let it take me out. Ladies, when I say I did NOT see it coming…I DID NOT see that coming but hey, everything happens for a reason and with the decision that was made, I chucked it up and moved on with my business. I will not lie though, I had moments where I felt like lashing out and going off but for whatever reason, I could not cry or get it out; I just had to come up with a game plan and allow the LORD to figure things out for me.

I spent months blaming myself for the situation that I found myself in yet again and to top it off having a limited income made matters worse. I am a grown woman with three daughters who all have needs, with a household to maintain and here I am unemployed. The people I should be able to depend on for help are so inconsistent that even looking in that direction would be a waste of time. Through it all though, I managed to take another class and pass all while using my resources to get to the next level in life. I tell you though, the struggle is real but being the woman that I am, I refuse to hang my hat there. Everything I had to do to make it to this point, I had to balance and budget to get here. Some bills got paid and some bills just had to wait but I tell you this…nothing got cut off and I thank God for that. I’m learning to stop blaming myself for how things turned out for me and just forgive. I don’t ever want to be that woman who is mad, hurting or sitting in bitterness. I don’t even want to think about what a person is doing or not doing for me or my children. I just want to live my life with my girls and prosper.

Seven months later I was finally able to land a job. It took some time because there was no job that would fit my children’s schedule. I turned down job after job after job until I final…I got to the point where something had to give and instead of looking for part-time work, I went back full-time. The things we do as mothers, but I will tell you, it’ll pay off. It’s hard keeping everything together, but I do, and I do it gracefully. People who are witnessing me persevere through a trying storm do give me my flowers all the time and I just smile because what they see in me, I overlook at times.

Who has time to hate? Who has time to be angry, bitter or jealous? A person whose heart posture is not pure, and I'll tell you that’s certainly not me. The journey of single parenting is extremely hard and if you aren’t focused with a certain mindset, it can be easy for you to drop the ball. I meet mothers all the time experiencing what I am going through and trust me when I say ladies it will be okay! Yes, as mothers we feel frustrated, and we get tired or fed up but keep going. Forgiveness is hard but it doesn’t have to go undone. It’s power in letting go and taking your power back. I never chose to be a single mother, but the decisions I have made contributed to this outcome and I must forgive myself for it. Every chapter of my life that I write comes from a place of strength and grace. I will never let an unhealthy situation define me because lemons make the best lemonade regardless of who is trying to show or tell me otherwise.

Peace.